Building Trust in Business: Lessons from Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”
One of the timeless principles outlined in Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, is found in the chapter titled, “Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.” This principle is rooted in human psychology: everyone craves recognition and appreciation. Carnegie argues that showing genuine appreciation not only makes people feel valued, but also builds rapport and strengthens relationships — both in personal and professional settings.
But how does this translate into the world of business, where profit and strategy are often prioritized over interpersonal dynamics? The answer lies in understanding that business is fundamentally driven by relationships. In commodity trading, where trust and long-term partnerships are crucial, a lack of appreciation or recognition can break deals, create tension, and ultimately impact the bottom line.
Understanding the Principle: Sincere Appreciation Builds Bridges
The essence of this principle is simple: people want to feel important. However, appreciation must be genuine. Carnegie warns that insincere flattery is easily spotted and can backfire, damaging relationships instead of strengthening them. When you show true appreciation for someone’s effort, input, or business partnership, you’re not only acknowledging their value, but also creating a positive association that ties them to you. In business, this can translate to stronger loyalty, more willingness to collaborate, and smoother negotiations.
The key, according to Carnegie, is to find something specific that you appreciate, express it sincerely, and avoid exaggeration. Generic compliments or appreciation given with ulterior motives won’t have the same impact. True appreciation is about recognizing the efforts and contributions of the other person, making them feel seen and valued.
The Scenario: Managing Relationships in Commodity Trading
A few years ago, while managing a commodity trading business, we were working with a logistics company that was responsible for shipping large quantities of materials to various clients. The relationship was critical because timely and efficient delivery was a key factor in maintaining our reputation. One season, this logistics partner went above and beyond to manage a particularly difficult shipment, navigating port delays and weather disruptions to ensure the cargo arrived on time.
Instead of treating this as business as usual, I made a conscious effort to follow Carnegie’s advice. I personally called the head of the logistics company to express my appreciation, outlining the specific challenges his team faced and thanking him for prioritizing our business despite the extra work it entailed. I didn’t just say, “Thanks for getting it done.” I highlighted the effort, resourcefulness, and professionalism his team demonstrated, and made it clear that their commitment made a tangible difference to our business.
Applying the Lesson: The Impact of Honest Appreciation
The results were immediate and surprising. A few weeks later, when other traders faced delays with the same logistics company due to similar port issues, we received priority service. The head of the logistics company personally ensured that our shipments were given top consideration. His explanation was simple: “We know you appreciate what we do, and that motivates us to go the extra mile.”
This wasn’t a transaction; it was the power of honest appreciation at work. By recognizing their effort, I had unknowingly built a stronger partnership. Our logistics partner felt valued, and in return, they were more invested in our success. What’s more, this relationship eventually led to them recommending us to other clients, which expanded our network and opened up new business opportunities.
Key Takeaways for Business Leaders
The lesson from this chapter and our experience is clear: never underestimate the power of genuine appreciation in business. Here’s how you can incorporate this principle effectively:
Be Specific: Generic praise like “Good job” doesn’t resonate. Be specific about what you appreciate. In our case, I mentioned how the logistics team handled delays with patience and precision, making the appreciation feel earned and authentic.
Be Timely: Show appreciation as soon as the effort is made. When people see that their work is recognized right away, it creates a lasting positive impression.
Make It Personal: If possible, express your appreciation personally, rather than through an email or a memo. A phone call or face-to-face meeting leaves a stronger impact.
Avoid Ulterior Motives: Don’t show appreciation expecting something in return. Genuine appreciation is given freely and doesn’t come with strings attached. Ironically, it’s this lack of expectation that often leads to unexpected benefits down the road.
Conclusion: Building Relationships Beyond Transactions
In commodity trading, and business in general, relationships matter as much as numbers. One of the biggest mistakes we can make is treating business partners like interchangeable cogs in a machine. Dale Carnegie’s advice to give honest and sincere appreciation is not just about being liked; it’s about recognizing the human element in business. When we show people that their efforts are valued, we transform transactional relationships into true partnerships.
The next time someone goes above and beyond for your business — be it a client, partner, or employee — take a moment to express your genuine appreciation. You may be surprised by how far a little sincerity can go.
To learn more about Jeff Dreyer visit www.jeffrey-dreyer.com.
Reference: Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1936.
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